Nixon Coffee Table Assembly Instructions [NEW]

If the peg doesn't go in, the manual suggests you launch a "secret bombing campaign" of your living room floor with a rubber mallet. Hit it until it denies everything. This is the most frustrating part of the build.

Happy building. And remember: Have you ever assembled a piece of furniture that felt like a political scandal? Tell me about your "Ikea-gate" in the comments below! nixon coffee table assembly instructions

Warning: This post contains no actual political scandals, but it does contain high stakes, a few missing washers, and the potential for a very wobbly leg. If the peg doesn't go in, the manual

"Look, I am not a handyman. But I am a patriot. I bought this table. I kept it on the floor. And I am not going to return it just because one leg is 2mm shorter than the others. That dog... that little cocker spaniel on the rug... the kids love that table." Happy building

I chose it for the sleek lines and the mid-century modern vibe. But when I flipped open the instruction manual, I realized I hadn’t bought a table. I had bought a foreign policy crisis in a box.

Read the instructions three times. Trust nobody. And for god's sake, tape down the rug before you start. You don't want those missing dowels rolling under the sofa where they can conspire against you.

Here is what I learned from trying to build democracy... I mean, furniture , the Nixon way. The first step reads: "Inventory all parts before beginning. Do not trust the pictures. The pictures lie."