Let that sink in. You can buy GTA: Chinatown Wars , GTA III , Vice City , San Andreas , and even Liberty City Stories on the Google Play Store. But GTA IV ? The 2008 masterpiece about Balkan tragedy, bowling with your cousin, and gritty NYC satire? It remains a console/PC exclusive.

You’ve seen the YouTube thumbnails—Niko Bellic’s grim face photoshopped onto a smartphone screen, neon arrows pointing to a “Download Now” button. The title screams:

Let’s cut through the noise. Here is the truth about chasing the Grand Theft Auto IV dragon on your Android device. Rockstar Games has never officially released GTA IV for Android.

Every few months, the internet explodes with the same whispered rumor: “Liberty City is coming to your phone. For real this time.”

Stay safe, phone criminals.